Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
