gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
