her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize