my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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