did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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