so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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