PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
