What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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