Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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