Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
