This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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