First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
birth control should be required to get into college
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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