So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
