grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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