dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
