I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
