You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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