He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
