i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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