This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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