Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
