well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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