Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
