After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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