Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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