Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
