i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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