just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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