so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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