hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
