Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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