thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
