dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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