How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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