I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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