I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
