yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
