saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
