ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
