Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think my moral compass just broke
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
