no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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