i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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