What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
