remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
