Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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