the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
