I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
