They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
