tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
