At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
