my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
