Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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