okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
