I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
