just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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