Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
