Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
