there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
