I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize