that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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