May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
