dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Vodka?
Forever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
