I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
