you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
