No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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