Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
