one two three fourrrrnication!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
