I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
