i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
