The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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