Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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