I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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