no, he came in my armpit
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I AM VODKA MAN
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
