Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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